I’m going to be a bit vulnerable and raw in this blog entry…because the older I get the more I realize both how important vulnerability is. I am a 31 year old single woman, and for the past few months I have been in a place of peace and confidence in my single-hood and it has been incredibly refreshing and encouraging. But this past week has been a different story. It has been a struggle to say the least. There have been nights that I have had to fight off tears and there have been moments of deep longing for companionship and a family of my own.  

But one thing that I am realizing now more than ever before is that it is okay to have those feelings of longing…it is okay to feel lonely… it is okay to not always have to be strong, confidant, and put together. I am learning to embrace every feeling as it comes at me, but never to allow those feelings, whether good or bad, to control me or define me. And that is the first thing I hope to encourage any of you single ladies with who are reading this and really struggling – That you would know that you can be honest before God with your feelings. You don’t have to be strong for Him. You can fall into his arms, and cry, and be vulnerable, and weak, and He will meet you right where you’re at. In fact, He loves your vulnerability and rawness with Him. And it is in those moments that He desires to comfort you and be your validation and wholeness.

The second point I would like to make came from a friend who I believe God has placed in my life during this time for a very specific reason. In the midst of my questions, and my struggle he sent me a text that put words to something that I know deep down is true, but that I can easily forget in light of my circumstances. He said this…

“If I may…I know that I know that I know that God will grant you your hearts desire. In fact, he may have already and it just has not manifested itself yet. You are a beautiful woman Mandy…creative, loving, strong, successful, and talented. If all you sought was a warm body to fill your bed, you could have fulfilled that desire long, long ago. You and I both know this. But this is not what you seek. You seek something greater…something deeper and more profound. Not just any man can be that for you. Only one can. And you have patiently waited. You are a wise woman and your patience is known and will not go unrewarded.”

I share this to get a point across to every single woman reading this who has waited patiently and faithfully for a Godly spouse but hasn’t met that person yet. What my friend said in this text applies not only to me but to all of you who have sought God first in all that you do, and have poured your lives out at His feet. I love his words because they remind me that what we are searching for as single women passionately pursuing the heart of God, is not just a warm body to fill our bed, but a man who will be our partner in every sense of the word, who will love us deeply, fully, freely, and vulnerably, and who will remain faithful to us through hell and back…and a man for whom we will do the same. That is not easy to find, especially in a culture that values quick fixes and selfish gain in relationships. And what we must realize is that it took a lot of strength to get where we are – no matter how imperfectly we’ve walked out our journey thus far. I acknowledge that at any moment, even right now, I could put on a revealing dress and a pair of high heals, go out to a bar or club, meet a guy and have sex with him to fill that void inside of me for intimacy with a man, but that is not what my heart is truly looking for. That is only a sad, temporary fix, at best, for something so much deeper.

And I believe the same is true for each of you. We all have our choices. And we have the choice everyday to remain faithful to the call that God has on our lives and to trust that He has our story in His hands. Because He absolutely does. And if there’s one thing that I hope you all get from this blog post it is this – That you would know that God sees you, even when it seems He doesn’t…That you would know that you are not still single because of some flaw in you, or because you are not pretty enough, smart enough, or funny enough…That you would know that you are not still single because you fell short morally somewhere along the line… That is not the God we serve – His gifts aren’t merited, just as much as His withholding is not punishment. You are single because God’s plan is greater than anything you could ever dream up yourself. He loves you deeply, and out of His incredible love for you He gives you what He deems best for you in His time.

When my friend said, “I know that God will grant you your hearts desire.” I didn’t necessarily take that to mean that God will give me a spouse…though I pray He does. I took that to mean that if I am following God and laying my life down at His feet, His desires will become my desires. SO if that means that His desire is for me to get married and have a family of my own, I can trust that He will bring that to me in His time. Or if that means that His desire is for me to be single and serve Him as a single woman, I can trust that He will change my hearts desire to be able to have the strength to live this life as a single woman. My prayer for each of you is that you would know that God sees you, and loves you, and wants your heart to be fully satisfied in Him whether a man is by your side or not. He is jealous and He wants you, all of you. You are beautiful. You are worthy. And you are loved no matter your circumstance or your relationships status.

Mandy Dobbelmann

Founder and editor of Forte E Bello. Mandy is writer, singer/songwriter, and music teacher with a love for life, people, adventure and living simply. She is passionate about using her gift for writing and music to be a voice for change.

9 Comments

  1. Reply

    Michelle

    October 25, 2015

    Oh I can relate!! As a single 37 year old female, your are speaking my language girl.
    However, I will say I recently had a chat with God. He and I came to an understanding. 🙂 I believe I finally realized my calling is to remain single. I am ecstatic at this discovery.
    But I have many single friends who have a desire to be married and have children. I tell them the same thing you have said here.
    “His desires will become my desires.” Amen sister!! How often do we think the opposite?! So so true.

    Thanks for sharing!

    • Reply

      Mandy Dobbelmann

      October 27, 2015

      Hey Michelle, I am so glad you can relate. 🙂 And thanks SO much for sharing your story. That is incredible! And honestly is a huge encouragement to me. Thanks for sharing! Best!

  2. Reply

    Laura

    October 26, 2015

    AMEN. Mostly I’m okay with the fact that my life isn’t exactly what I want it to be. But these moments happen. I’ve come to the same conclusion as you. It’s okay to have those moments and cry and hurt, but we need to bring it to God and let him transform us through that. It’s powerful to sit before the cross and lay it all down. It’s like a tug-of-war. That moment when you let go because the fight isn’t worth it is where I’ve learned trust in God’s plan is the ONLY way to get through life. Thanks for the reminder 🙂

    • Reply

      Mandy Dobbelmann

      October 27, 2015

      That’s so so true Laura. Thank you so much for sharing a bit of your heart and your story. I’ll pray for you right now for continued strength and trust. Best to you. 🙂

  3. Reply

    Kara Leigh

    October 29, 2015

    Mandy, thank you so much for this encouraging post! It brought tears to my eyes but at the same time made my heart smile! Trusting God with my story has been hard…especially in regards to being single. I have been dreaming of being a wife and mother since I was a little girl and I must confess that I have felt abandoned, punished even, but I know that God loves me more than that! Thank you again and may HE grant us continued courage and strength to rest and wait in Him! Blessings! <3

    • Reply

      Mandy Dobbelmann

      November 9, 2015

      Wow, thanks so much for sharing Kara! I am SO glad to hear that God used this post to encourage you and give you hope and trust in your situation. I can most definitely relate with some of your feelings but you are right that He most definitely loves you more than you know and this by no means is punishment. You are valued and cherished. I’ll pray for you right now for continued trust. Blessings!

  4. Reply

    John Morgan

    December 15, 2015

    I acknowledge that at any moment, even right now, I could call an escort service and order a girl to fill that void inside of me for intimacy with a woman, but that is not what my heart is truly looking for. Chastity is a choice that some guys make too, every day of their lives, whether they are looking for a spouse or not.

    • Reply

      Mandy Dobbelmann

      February 14, 2016

      Absolutely John

  5. Reply

    Aleksandra

    March 30, 2016

    Dear Mandy,

    I found out about your website from a Polish fb page for women. I saw the title of this post and thought: perfect for the end of the day. And not only the title was perfect… After I read your letter I felt so good and calm. What you describe this is exactly how I feel lately: in general, happy in my life, with lot of friends but from time to time dreaming about THE man. And now I know I don’t have to be ashamed of that longing, that I have a right to small crying in presence of God which He understands. I could write more and more but I just wanna say “Thank you” for this text.
    God bless you!
    Cheers 🙂

    Aleksandra

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